I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
