do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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