u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
His nipple licking is glorious
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