Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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