Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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