You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
