Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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