How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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