so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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