I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
