i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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