Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
