We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
