His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's never too late to be topless.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
