Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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