Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
