I'm gonna have a badass scar
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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