You really coming over, don't trick.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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