Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
