people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
