You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
