Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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