After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
