I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
