he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
