The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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