If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
