don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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