The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize