that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
