3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i jhust puked up my retainher.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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