You made me cry and you don't even care
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it's like iHOP with fire
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
