I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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