I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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