Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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