it was like his penis was on wheels.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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