new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
