Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
