It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize