an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can you bring me the toilet please
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
