And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
