Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
