I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
