i think i have two assholes
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
