you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
