Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Randomize
