Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
