barbara walters just said penis...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
