my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
