he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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