the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
