Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
