are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize