i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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