i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
