My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize