Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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