considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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