i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
