If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
