i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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