last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
