roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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