I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
