At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
