You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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