sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
