I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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