i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
