taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
