I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
