Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
