Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
