I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
