I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
