WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
