Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
