she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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