dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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