i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
