i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
