1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
