11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
