Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize