I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
