Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
