oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
