I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
