Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
