i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm both gender and math confused
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
