first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
