i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
