Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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