Please, let me fuck your mom
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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