I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
