don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
