I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
