I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize