He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
