he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
