I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
