I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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